July 13, 2009
Over the past few days, the McNair case as a matter of criminal investigation has been closed, the police declaring it to be a murder-suicide. Something still doesn’t sit right with me, but that’s their ruling and there’s nothing I can do about it. I guess if the ballistics tests prove Kahemi fired the shots from her gun to both McNair’s head and her own, it’s correct. Like DNA, ballistics tests do not lie.
Assuming that’s what really happened, it bothers me that, at age 20, Kahemi felt that killing herself was the only way out of a bad life situation she was in. It was bad from a money standpoint, and possibly from a love standpoint, since she saw yet another woman entering McNair’s condo, but she did not have the life wisdom necessary to conclude that suicide was the only solution. Many, many people, myself included, have had rough patches in their lives way worse than what she had—at least she had a job, a car, a healthy body, and presumably a future—and they not only didn’t kill themselves, they didn’t take anyone else down with them. Kahemi took the selfish, lazy way out. She caused untold anguish to many people, most importantly the four little boys who now have to grow up with the notion that some trim on the side who had no rightful claim to their dad killed him.
Folks, if you’re young, say college age give or take five years, and you’re depressed, you think your life is one big shit ball, GET HELP. Talk to a therapist. Talk to your clergy. (That’s what they’re there for.) If you’re in college, that’s what the Counseling Center is there for. If you’re employed, that’s what your company’s EAP is there for. If you’re in financial trouble, get financial or debt counseling. If you’re about to flunk out of Harvard, transfer to Towson, for crap’s sake. (No offense to Towson, as I used to work there, but trust me, a degree from a state school is better than no degree from an Ivy.) If your love is fucking you over, take Dan Savage’s advice and Dump the Motherfucker Already. There will be others.
You’re not old and experienced enough to know that yet, but you will some day, as long as you don’t blow your brains against the wall. I’m not telling you this because I don’t understand—I’m telling you because I do understand.